Nontraditional Honeymooning (the Snow and Charming Way)
by misscam
Summary: Snow and Charming try to have a honeymoon and end up having adventures instead. That seems to be their way. [Snow/Charming]


Nontraditional Honeymooning (the Snow and Charming Way)  
by misscam

Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my words.

Author's Note: Set after 3x10 during Snow and Charming's honeymoon. For Bea and Lolly, who are utterly to blame for this. Thanks to Angie for beta and helping me narrow down titles.

II

This is how honeymoons traditionally go, Snow thinks faintly. A bride, a groom, and a marriage bed. Or in this case a marriage lounge chair, since Charming doesn't seem too inclined to move and very inclined to keep kissing her.

Not that she minds. Right now, she thinks she would happily make it a marriage floor if it meant having Charming underneath her, his skin wonderfully smooth under her fingertips after she pulled his shirt off. (Or ripped off him, if she's being precise.) Skin. Skin is lovely, she has decided, and Charming seems to agree. He's been slowly but surely pulling her dress further and further down, and she moans into the kiss as his fingers brush the naked skin of her shoulders.

He wants her, and she delights in the knowledge. His obvious desire feeds hers too, and she wants him, she wants him so much that it is almost painful.

She's breathless as he pulls away slightly, looking at her through lowered eyelids as his fingers brush across the top of her breasts.

"You said you had a few ideas on how I could make it up to you," she says, and he licks his lips slightly. "But might I suggest a few as well?"

"By all means," he manages to say, but she can hear his voice catching. Good. She'll give him something to be breathless about, she decides, and lowers her hands.

Their adventure got Charming (temporarily) turned to stone, but he can sure manage to be hard even in the flesh, Snow discovers, and feels the evidence of that when she strokes him through the leather of his pants. He groans before catching her lips in another kiss, one she meets eagerly.

He tugs at her bottom lip, brushing his tongue lightly against it until she parts her lips and he moans in encouragement. She tilts her head as he deepens the kiss, his hands at her waist as he pulls her onto his lap. She can feel him hard underneath her now, and she grinds slightly against him without even thinking.

Yes. Yes.

And then the window flies open, and the raven flies in. In her slightly distracted state, it takes her a few moments longer than usual to understand what he's telling her.

Bandits. In the forest. Coming here.

"Charming," she says, pulling away. He tries to follow, stealing another kiss from her lips that makes her sigh. "Charming, we're about to have company."

"What?" he says, blinking at her as the words seem to register. "What?"

"Bandits," she says, and he blinks again, then groans.

His hands curl around the cloth of her dress in frustration. He was about to pull it down to her waist, she realizes, and the thought of his mouth or hands on her breasts makes her bite down on her bottom lip to keep from moaning.

Bandits, she reminds herself. Bandits are coming.

The doors creak open a moment later, as three bandits peek in, then barge in as they realizes they've been spotted. Charming is already lifting her up, covering her with his body as the bandits come at them. She ducks, pulling the dagger she knows is there out of Charming's left boot, and using it to block the first sword coming at her husband.

The force of the swing makes her arm ache, but she manages to push the sword back when she kicks the bandit right in the privates with all the force she can muster.

The bandit looks utterly perplexed, then downright comical as Charming punches him in the jaw. That leaves two, and she dodges the left one while Charming side-steps the right one.

The bandit on her side looks confused at this show of resistance, and then makes the mistake of looking down her cleavage, probably noticing the marks on her skin from Charming's mouth. It's enough distraction for her to curl a leg around his, flipping him down to the floor and using the handle of the dagger to knock him out.

She looks up to see that her husband has disarmed the last bandit, holding the sword to the guy's throat.

"Who sent you? Regina?" Charming demands, glancing at Snow. She gives him a nod to assure him she's okay.

"No!" the bandit says, his voice thin with fear. "Our leader thought you would make an easy target since he spotted you traveling alone. He thought that we could ransom you to the Queen."

Charming narrows his eyes. "Where is this leader of yours? How many men are you?"

"He would kill me if I told you," the bandit says, then makes a sharp cry of fear as Charming steps closer.

"You just attacked my wife," Charming says darkly. "Between your leader and a newly married very protective husband..."

"And very protective wife," Snow cuts in, stepping forward as well. "You attacked my husband."

"... and very protective wife," Charming says, looking at her lovingly for a moment. "Who do you fear the most?"

The bandit swallows. "We have a camp in a cave up by the river. It's hidden behind a waterfall. We're six men in total."

"Good choice," Charming says, then punches him forcefully. "That's for interrupting us."

The bandit groans, then staggers to his knees while Charming glares at him.

"That leader is going to send more men if these don't return," Snow says thoughtfully, putting her hand on Charming's arm. "He'll be too tempted by the ransom money."

"Unless we take him and his gang out first," Charming says, then sighs and growls. "Snow, promise me one thing?"

"What?" she asks, and then he's kissing her firmly while still keeping the sword to the bandit's throat.

"We get this place a moat and a drawbridge," he murmurs against her lips. She couldn't agree more, and kisses him to make the point.

II

Three bandits tied up, a local farmer alerted to send for the local sheriff and a lot of arming and dressing later, Snow is following her rather disgruntled husband up the hill. It's dark, and right about now they should be curled up in bed in each other's arms, but instead they're in cold and dark forest to take out three more bandits.

She has to admit her choice of honeymoon destination might not have been exactly what she had in mind, and definitely not what Charming had in mind. Still, with his hand in hers, there is no other place she wants to be. She wants to be by his side forever, and intends to.

"That must be it," Charming says in a low voice, pointing to the waterfall ahead. She nods. From here, she can only see the water, and she imagines the cave beyond it is quite dark and damp.

"As much fun as it might be, a direct assault might not be a great idea in a cave," he says thoughtfully.

"Especially at night," she agrees. "We should draw them out."

Charming nods. "Any ideas?"

"Yeah," she says. "But you might not like it."

"That always bodes well," he says drily, making an exaggerated sigh. "All right, tell me this great plan of yours, have me disagree with it and then kiss me into doing it anyway."

She kisses him, his lips parting in surprise as she does, then staying parted as he kisses her back. His mouth is warm, and she feels even warmer remembering the feel of his mouth on her skin.

Soon, she vows. They just need to take out these three bandits in a suitable way, and then she can have Charming all night long. And day, she decides, as he sucks on her bottom lip in a way that makes her breath catch. Yes. Night and day, definitely.

He licks his lips as she pulls away.

"Okay, you kissed me into it first," he says breathlessly. "So, what's the plan?"

She tells him.

He actually likes it, as it turns out. She kisses him anyway, just because.

II

"Not how I had envisioned tying you up for the first time," Charming says as he ties the final knot. She smiles slightly, remembering leaving him tied up to a tree once. She hadn't realized he's been wanting to get even.

"What were you imagining?" she asks quietly.

"You, silk scarves and a bed," he murmurs and her lips part as she imagines the delicious torture that would be Charming's hands and mouth on her without her being able to touch him. "Then me, silk scarves and a bed and my bandit wife on top."

She kisses him at that, and he presses her against his chest before groaning and pulling away. She has time to notice the faint moisture from her mouth clinging to his lower lip, and feel the strong urge to lick it off.

Then he lifts her up over his shoulder and begins to walk slowly towards the waterfall in full view of it.

"Let me go, you brute!" Snow shrieks with her best insulted princess voice, and she can hear Charming snigger at it. His face is hidden against her thigh as she pretends to be trying to kick him, and in the dark the bandits will only be able to make out his shape and her slung over his shoulder. Charming has pretended to tie her up, but loose enough that she can pull her hands and feet free if needed. It will let them think he's one of them returned successfully with one kidnapped princess. "I demand you let me go right now!"

She is making enough noise to draw the attention of the bandits, she's sure, but she raises her voice anyway.

"I am a princess, you filthy, stinking, sheep-breath..."

"Hey!" Charming says in a low voice, sounding mock insulted. "Shepherd, remember?"

"... Cow-breath..." she corrects, and he presses a kiss against her thigh. "... Bandit!"

Two shapes appear behind the waterfall. Charming feigns almost dropping her, and she squirms forcefully, kicking and screaming to draw their attention to her rather than her husband.

"Help! Help! Bandits!" she shrieks, and one of the men actually covers his ears by the looks of it.

"Find a gag for her," she can hear one bandit tell the other, and one shape vanishes into the cave. The other approaches. "What happened to the prince? Did he take out the two others?"

Snow gives her best scream, making the bandit wince and then Charming stands up, turning around and thus swinging her and letting her kick the bandit right in the temple.

He makes a very satisfying thump when he goes down. Charming grins, quickly leaning the unconscious bandit against himself, making it look like he's helping Charming carry her. Then he pats her ass lightly, letting her know the two other bandits have appeared and it's time for the next act.

Right. She feigns kicking him right in his little charmer while punching the unconscious bandit so he falls again, and Charming makes a rather convincing pained noise before dropping to his knees with her still partly over his shoulder. She can hear the other two approach, and kicks and squirms and shrieks as well as she can.

Charming hoists her onto the first bandit, who staggers as she knees him and then falls as she kicks him again.

"She's quite a wild one, isn't she?" the other bandit says, sounding impressed. "I wouldn't mind taming her in my bed... Ow!"

That would be Charming's fists, she figures, as she frees her wrists, draws the dagger from her sleeve and presses it against the 'bandithood', as it were, of the bandit beneath her. He immediately freezes.

"She's not for taming," Charming says, sounding quite, quite happy about that.

II

Three tied-up bandits brought down to the three others, and all six of them handed over to the local sheriff and his men later, and Snow and Charming are back in the summer palace. It's late enough at night to be close to morning now, but still chilly in the air, so she wraps herself in her warm cape and stands in front of the fire while Charming lights a few candles and puts away their weapons.

After a while, she can feel Charming slip his arms around her from behind, moving her hair slightly to press a kiss against the back of her neck. She sighs as he continues kissing her skin, his fingers moving to undo the loose knot of her cape. She doesn't hinder him, instead turning in the embrace to face him.

"Now, where were we?" he asks, kissing her lightly as he pushes her cape to the floor.

"Over there," she murmurs, indicating the lounge chair. He grins wickedly, the lifts her up and kisses her while she links her legs around his waist. They kiss, kiss and kiss while he walks them slowly towards the lounge chair, and her lips feel warm and tingly by the time he sits down with her in his lap.

"Snow," he says happily, kissing her again before lowering his mouth to her neck. She shifts slightly in his lap, letting her head fall backwards as he pulls her dress down to her waist. He makes a happy noise at discovering she's not wearing a corset, and she smiles at that. She arches into him as he cups her breast, his thumb caressing her skin and drawing soft moans from her. She wants, she wants, she...

There is a knock on the door, she realizes. No, several knocks. Insistent knocks, in fact.

"Charming," she says, and his head slumps against her shoulder in defeat.

"No," he groans.

"There is someone at the door."

"No."

"Charming..."

"No."

"It might be important," she says.

"So is this," he says, voice thick with frustration. He gives the door another hard look as if trying to will it silent, but the pounding simply continues. With something akin to a growl, he kisses her hard, then lifts her off him before standing up himself.

She pulls her dress up properly before putting her cape on as well, while Charming puts on his cape too. He gives her a look that makes her breath catch before striding over to the door to open it impatiently.

There is a crowd of people waiting, she notices, and they bow to her as she approaches. They must be from the nearby village. She remembers stopping there now and then as a little girl.

"Your Majesties!" a man says breathlessly. He looks nervous, Snow notices. "We didn't know you were coming or we would have welcomed you properly."

"My wife and I are here on our honeymoon," Charming says, smiling in that charming way that he does. "No need for ceremony."

"No need at all," Snow adds, smiling as well. They've probably grown used to Regina ruling the kingdom, she suspects, and they don't know what sort of rulers she and Charming will be yet.

The man looks dubious, but he nods as if accepting it. The woman next to him gives him a look as if to prod him, and he swallows nervously.

"A few men and women that disappeared years ago returned from the village today, claiming that they had suddenly been turned back from stone," the man says. "When we heard you had returned to the summer palace and defeated the bandits, we wondered if the prince had managed to slay Medusa as well."

Charming smiles, looking at Snow with so much love she feels humbled by it.

"The prince didn't slay Medusa," he replies fondly. "The princess was the one to defeat her."

Everyone looks at her with awe, and Snow is at a loss for how to respond. Then an old woman steps forward and flings her arms around Snow, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you," the woman says, sounding close to tears. "You saved my son. Thank you."

Snow thinks of what it might be like to lose Charming, to think he was gone forever only to have him returned years later, and it nearly brings tears to her eyes.

"You're very welcome," she tells the woman sincerely. As the woman hurried pulls away as if embarrassed, Snow catches Charming smiling at her.

"We thank you," the man says, almost stumbling over the words. "We have very little to offer royals, but..."

"Your words are thanks enough," Snow interrupts. She smiles, remembering how her mother used to do it. "My husband and I will come by in a day..."

"In a few days," Charming corrects, his hand wandering down her back and then squeezing her ass without anyone else noticing. She tries very hard to keep a straight face.

"We will come by in a few days to see if you need any further assistance," she corrects, moving her own hand down Charming's back and squeezing his ass. To her satisfaction she can see him swallow.

Good.

The man bows, then shifts nervously on his feet. "Well, your Majesty, we..."

She can see Charming lift his head towards the ceiling as if in prayer, and she bites her lip hard to keep from smiling at his obvious frustration, as much as she shares it.

"... We do have an issue we require assistance with," the man finishes, and Charming looks downright pained. She squeezes his hand, and he glances down at her. A moment later he smiles, then laughs a touch hopelessly. The people around them look utterly confused, but she laughs with him.

As the laughter dies, he takes her hand, lifting it to press a kiss against it in a way that manages to be polite yet intimate at the same time.

"Lead the way," Charming finally says, utterly failing to hide his frustration and impatience, but at least giving it his best shot.

II

The issue is disappearing shepherds, as it turns out. Shepherds who they discover have been eaten by a troll under a bridge between the village and the sheep farms.

The troll tries to eat Charming too, so she knocks it out with a rock.

No one touches her shepherd except her, after all.

II

"That was..." Charming says, trailing off as he leads her back into the castle. It's morning, the light of dawn creeping in through the windows.

"Interesting," she suggests.

"Mmm," he agrees. "That's one word for it. But I was thinking of 'time-consuming'."

She watches as he closes and then bolts the door, then pulls her into an embrace and kisses her forcefully while trying to back her slowly towards the lounge chair. He misses, pressing her against a wall instead, but seeming not too mind too much from how he kisses her.

"Snow?" he murmurs against her lips.

"Mmm?" she says, her breath catching as his hands roam her body.

"This time, I don't care if Regina herself walks in, I'm not being interrupted again," he says huskily, and slants his mouth across her to kiss her deeply before she can reply.

Snow briefly imagines the disgust on Regina's face at walking in on this, and finds she doesn't care. This makes her happy. Charming makes her happy. She loves him, and she's damn well going to have him now. He might be frustrated, but her body is very firmly reminding her that so is she.

He's breathless as she pulls away slightly, keeping her lips lingeringly close to his.

"Bed," she says breathlessly, lacing her fingers in his.

"What's wrong with the lounge chair?" he asks, kissing her so featherlight it's like agony.

"Not enough space," she murmurs, biting his lower lip lightly.

"For...?"

"Everything I want to do to you," she says boldly, and his eyes widen. Then he's practically sprinting upstairs, pulling her along by her hand while she laughs. At the top of the stairs, he lifts her up, her hair falling around them both as she kisses him while he walks them both.

He kicks open the door to the first bedroom, his hands busy at her back and her behind. To her surprise, the bed is dressed, albeit roughly. He must have made it ready the evening before, she realizes, before the bandits and half the village and the troll detour.

He lowers her down to her feet by the edge of her bed, pausing to kiss her softly and lovingly.

"I meant to get flowers and candles," he says apologetically. "I'm sorry. I wanted our honeymoon to be romantic. I know it's not worthy of a princess right now, but..."

"Charming?" she interrupts softly. Sometimes, she thinks she might love him so much it's an almost physical pain, and this is one of those times.

"Yeah?"

"You're all the romance I need," she says, kissing him and pushing him back onto the bed. He goes down quite willingly, scooting further onto the bed as she follows. He hums happily at the back of his throat at that, and it makes her to want to find out what other happy noises she can draw from him.

He begins to protest as she pulls away, but she puts a finger to his lips. He watches as she undoes the laces on his leather doublet, then pulls it over his head as he lifts his hands obediently. He lets his hands linger at her back as he lowers her head to pepper kisses across his chest. His skin is smooth and warm, and she can feel the strength of his muscles every time she pauses to suck at a spot and he tenses but holds still.

He goes very still when she pauses at the skin just above his pants. She can see the bulge in his pants easily enough, and she bites down on her lip as she slowly, very slowly pulls his pants down. He closes his eyes as she carelessly drops his leather pants to the floor, then pulls his underwear off impatiently.

His manhood is already rising into the air, hard and yet soft to the touch as she carefully closes her hand around it. His face is bright with pleasure, especially when she lowers her head and presses a few light kisses against his flesh.

He digs his fingers into the cloth of the sheets as she continues, since this clearly gives him pleasure. She wasn't sure about this when she asked one of the more knowing maids in the castle for honeymoon advice, but clearly the maid was right. (And thus probably right about all the other interesting things she mentioned. She can't wait to try those. He makes her feel so... Adventurous, after all.)

"Snow," he groans. "Snow, I... I want..."

"What?" she asks, and he opens his eyes to look at her.

"You," he says, his voice catching as she moves her hand up and down a few more times.

"Then have me," she says, lifting her arms and pulling her dress off. He swallows, then lunges upwards and catches her lips in a searing kiss, making her breath catch. She can only cling to him as he kisses her, and kisses her, feeling him hard against her buttocks in a way that seems to make heat pool at the pit of her stomach.

He flips her around without breaking the kiss, and she can feel the heat from his body lingering in the sheets now against her back. This is going to be her life now, she realizes, sharing heat with him in their bed. She's going to feel his warmth in the linen, his skin against hers like a blanket, and his body underneath her like a mattress.

She closes her eyes in delight at the thought, and keeps them closed in delight as his mouth starts a slow journey across her skin. He pauses at her breasts, alternately caressing with his thumb and his tongue while her soundless gasps turns to moans.

"I've been wanting to do this to you for days," he murmurs against her skin as she arches up into his palm, pressing a hard kiss just between her breasts. "My wife."

Her husband, she thinks, as he continues kissing downwards, circling her navel with kisses before flicking his tongue against her navel and making her breath catch again. He keeps his mouth there for a moment, his hands on her hips. She licks her lips as she looks down at him, her mouth dry and the anticipation sharply painful and wonderful at the same time.

Then he lowers his mouth between her legs and she half whimpers, half moans. His tongue is teasing and licking, and his hair brushing against her inner thighs now and then strangely adds to the pleasure too. One of the maids did mention some men would do things like this, Snow faintly remembers, and she's really, really beginning to wonder if Charming was in fact listening in – especially since she expressed a desire to find out what it would be like.

She's going to have Grumpy get Charming drunk and describe all the things he would like her to do to him, she decides, and listen in on that. After she tries the silk scarf thing, at least.

It's getting really hard to think coherently, she realizes, as she feels Charming's fingers brush against her too, and then slip inside her. She can't even hear the noises she must be making any more, her heart seeming to thunder in her head and drowning out all other noises. It's a roar, and then a tidal wave, and then just bright, bright pleasure flooding her and making her float.

Slowly, she becomes aware of Charming kissing her eyelids, then her cheeks, then her lips. She meets his kiss clumsily, her lips feeling heavy and swollen. After a few moments, he breaks the kiss, cupping her cheeks and probably feeling the heat against his palm. Her cheeks certainly feel as if they're burning.

"Hey," he says, as she blinks a few times and finally focuses on him. He looks happy, she notices, beaming at her.

"Hey," she murmurs breathlessly, then lifts her head and kisses him softly. He moans into the kiss, still cradling her head in his hands while his body is pressing against hers. She can feel his hardness twitch slightly every time it brushes against the skin of her stomach, and she feels something akin to a twitch in her stomach at every brush as well.

He groans when she lowers a hand to stroke him. He's so very hard for her, straining into her hands, and it makes her smile possessively against his lips. She wants to give him pleasure, wants to see his desire overtake him, wants to see it so very badly.

She does know one thing he wants, she suddenly remembers.

"Charming?" she murmurs, and growls as acknowledgment. "That thing you wanted – you, silk scarves and a bed with your bandit wife on top? Are the silk scarves a requirement, or will the bandit wife on top also do?"

He makes a noise that is all encouragement, flipping her on top of him while lifting himself up off the mattress to keep kissing her. His hands strokes her thighs as she straddles him, then lifts herself up and lowers herself on him.

He makes a delirious sigh into the kiss, then another as she shifts to take him in deeper. His hands settle on her hips, his thumb making small caresses across her skin as she adjusts to the feeling of him inside her. Her husband. Truly her husband in every way, and she growls into the kiss and clenches her muscles around him to make the point. He rocks his hips at that, and she tries rocking her own, gasping at the pleasure of it.

Oh. _Oh._

Charming keeps kissing her as she experiments with moving, with sliding up and down him slowly, with rocking her hips, with sharp, shallow jerks up and down. Every now and then he makes a noise deep in his throat, and she knows then to repeat the move.

Finally his head falls backwards, and she watches his face contract with pleasure as his whole body tenses and he twitches inside her. He looks wonderful, so very wonderful lost to her, and she leans down to kiss his face lovingly, just as he did to her.

He opens his eyes after a few moments, his eyes bright as his gaze caresses her.

"I love you," he says, his voice low and throaty. It makes her kiss him again, and then again as he gently lifts her and shifts them both onto their sides, facing each other. They lay like that for a long while, just watching each other.

She falls asleep briefly, dozing off, and waking up to see Charming still watching her. His fingers are lightly traveling across her skin, caressing and brushing and exploring.

"That was worth waiting for," he murmurs, and she smiles at his obvious satisfaction. "That will always be worth waiting for."

"Sorry about the Medusa, the bandits and the shepherd-eating troll getting in the way," she says, and he smiles.

"Is this always going to be our lives?" he asks, sounding amused. "Adventures even when we're supposed to be respectfully married?"

"Yes," she replies, and he laughs. But as she watches him, she remembers that he was raised a shepherd, and all his mother wanted for him was love and a family. A peaceful life, probably. Not this.

"Do you mind?" she asks hesitantly, and he grips her by the arms to pull her even closer.

"Mind? Snow, I love you. Yes, I would have been happy with you on a farm somewhere. Or living as a bandit in the forest. Or in another kingdom far away, or even in another world. I would have been happy anywhere as long as I had you by my side."

His grip has turned into caresses along her arms by the time he is finished, and she tilts her head up and brushes a light kiss against his lips. He smiles all the way to his eyes, the loveliest sight she knows.

"But since you asked..." he murmurs huskily, and her toes curl slightly. "I _love_ this life with you. I love our adventures. Just promise me one thing?"

"Mmm?" she asks, resting her hands against his chest as his hands go to her waist.

"That we also..." he says, pressing her closer. She can feel his breath across her lips as he speaks. "... have some private adventures."

"Private adventures," she says, biting her lip slightly. She knows exactly what sort of adventures he has in mind, with his body pressed this firmly against her own. Oh yes, she has a very _firm_ idea of what kind of adventures he has in mind. "I promise our lives will always have adventures of both kinds."

He grins; she pulls him down for a kiss and into another adventure – that seems to be the Snow and Charming way, after all.

FIN

.


End file.
